DAVID LETTERMAN, theorizing on the most surprising news in JOSE CANSECO’s new book: “In 1998, he says he introduced JOHN McCAIN to Metamucil.” …..Experiencing a rough ride Saturday night at the Civic Center was one of college football’s more prolific career passing quarterbacks, also of the sport’s more arrogant personalities. Former Duke University great BEN BENNETT is now 0-3 as head coach of the Austin Wranglers following their 64-40 loss to the Dusters and rookie mentor CHRIS MacKEOWN before a disappointingly small crowd……MacKeown and his Dusters are 2-1, marking the first time the franchise has been above .500 in almost three years….

DENNY McLAIN is in trouble with the law again on the eve of the 40th anniversary of he becoming the first major league pitcher–and still only–to win over 30 games in a season since DIZZY DEAN in 1946. Just five years after going 31-6, leading the Detroit Tigers to an upset win over the St. Louis Cardinals in the World Series and winning the American League’s CY YOUNG Award, McLain pitched two games for the Shreveport Captains against the Amarillo Giants in Texas League action at the Ballpark on East Third as his baseball career and life began to tailspin. He was not a very friendly fellow……

“Get Well Soon!” wishes to LES GILES, longtime sportswriter for an Amarillo newspaper. I’ll never forget the late PUTT POWELL commenting on his longtime colleague: “Les is an outstanding sportswriter because he gets straight to the point without offering up a personal editorial or attempting a cute remark.”……ROGER ARNOLD: “My biggest sports thrill as a participant came when I was a member of the Turkey High School ‘Turks’ and we won the 1958-59 class ‘B’ football championship. My biggest disappointments have been losing the class ‘B’ regional basketball game to the Hedley High School Owls and future Naismith Hall of Fame coach DON HASKINS, plus losing a bi-district football game to Lazbuddie in my first year as head football coach at Groom High School after we had started the season 10-0.”……

Tuesday night/ Wednesday morning brought the 40th anniversary of one of most famous games of length in major league baseball history as the Houston Astros outlasted the New York Mets 1-0 in 24 innings at the Astrodome. I still haven’t lived down listening to GENE ELSTON, LOEL PASSE and HARRY KALAS describe the first 23 innings on the Astros radio network before dozing off in the top of the 24th, just in time to miss Houston’s NORM MILLER (1965 Amarillo Sonics standout) score the game’s only run following a fielding error by New York’s AL WEIS at 1:36 am CST. The game remains the longest shutout by innings in big league history…..

The losing pitcher for the Mets in that game was 19-year old rookie LES ROHR. Later that season he found himself pitching at The Ballpark West of Grand and he never saw the big leagues again…..DWIGHT PERRY of the Seattle Times, noting three things that will not be missed next season in Pac-10 football: “Opposing linebackers will not have to tackle Oregon running back JONATHAN STEWART, kick return personnel will not have to tackle Cal return man DeSEAN JACKSON and headline writers will no longer have to deal with Washington State kicker ROMEEN ABDOLLMOHAMMADI.”……

Sign on the Zamboni machine at the San Jose Arena, home of the National Hockey League’s San Jose Sharks: “Driver carries no cash.”……Notre Dame University is naming its hockey facility after retired legendary coach LEFTY SMITH, now 78 years old. He tells the St. Paul Pioneer-Press, “The nice thing is that I didn’t have to die for this to happen.”…..Overheard: “Terrorists cannot destroy America. Only Americans can.”—-MIKE HIGGINS

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BILL COSBY: “For two people in a marriage to live with each other day after day is unquestionably one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.”……With each region’s top seed reaching the men’s Final Four this season for the first time since the NCAA began seeding in 1979, BOB MALINARO of the Norfolk Virginia Pilot observed: “At this year’s Final Four, CINDERELLA was wearing combat boots and carrying a Taser gun in her purse.”…..

ADAM ABRAMS is the public address announcer for both the Minnesota Twins of the American League and the Minnesota Wild of the National Hockey League. He pulled double duty this past Sunday by working a Twins-Los Angeles Angels game in the afternoon at the Metrodome in Minneapolis followed by a game against the Calgary Flames that evening at the Xcel Center in St. Paul. Abrams told the St. Paul Pioneer-Press, “It was a long day, but it was fun. I could have been lifting heavy things or digging ditches.”…..

KEN PIRTLE is retiring next month after 33 years as Professor of Visual Arts at Amarillo College. It is an honor to have known the Levelland product and Texas Tech graduate since our days in the production department at KVII-TV and to have been in his first group of students at AC. There is no nicer fellow…..A movie is in the works on the colorful life of hockey commentator DON CHERRY, one of Canada’s most popular citizens. The former coach of the NHL’s Boston Bruins brought his Oklahoma City Blazers to Amarillo several times in the late 1960s to play the Amarillo Wranglers in original Central Hockey League action at the Civic Center…..

CHRIS MacKEOWN, head coach of the Amarillo Dusters: “I still own a letter written to my father in 1949 by VINCE LOMBARDI when he recruited him to play football at Army.”…..University of Tennessee women’s basketball coach PAT SUMMITT, explaining what she told her Lady Vols team Tuesday night before their 64-48 win over Stanford to claim their second conseutive NCAA championship and eighth in history: “I told them we might come in as the underdogs, but that we would come out as the top dogs.”……

Last week’s cold in the Northeast had a different effect on Chicago White Sox manager OZZIE GUILLEN as his team opened the season in Cleveland. He says, “I don’t care, it was plenty warm in the dugout. I was mad when I had to go out and argue with the umpires because I had to leave the heater.”…..TED GIDDENS, Panhandle Sports Radio Network: “The most famous sports figures I have ever shaken hands with are JOE MONTANA, RONNIE LOTT, DUANE THOMAS and DARRELL ROYAL.”…..

With the sometimes shady Southeastern Conference celebrating its 75th anniversary this year, MIKE BIANCHI of the Orlando Sentinel comments, “I’m not sure, but I think the NCAA Commitee on Infractions plans to pay tribute to the occasion by launching a commemorative letter of inquiry.”…..

TNT’s CHARLES BARKLEY, commenting on the Seattle SuperSonics of the NBA attempting to break their lease at Key Arena in Seattle with hopes of a relocation to Oklahoma City: “I have been watching JUDGE JUDY and JUDGE JOE BROWN, and leases are not easy to break. I know they would never allow it to happen.”……Overheard: “I used to be a kleptomaniac until I took something for it.”—-MIKE HIGGINS

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Bumper sticker: “Indecision may or may not be my biggest problem.”…..LARRY KING got into a spat with some youth league baseball umpires last week at his 9-year old son’s game in Los Angeles. DWIGHT PERRY of the Seattle Times says, “There is no truth to the rumor he has been suspendered for two weeks.”….

Last week’s passing of former Palo Duro athletic standout MIKE WEEKS was sad to learn. He was part of a team accomplishment in AISD athletics that will probably never be equaled as he and two of his Don baseball teammates under BILL McELDUFF went on to play professional baseball. Weeks and PAT McKEAN pitched in the Atlanta Braves farm system while infielder KIM HENDERSON spent a few years in the San Francisco Giants chain……Public address announcer PHIL WOODALL, kidding a West Texas State/A&M football legend during Saturday’s Maroon-White scrimmage at Kimbrough Stadium: “Now entering the game for the Maroon is 104-year old offensive lineman JERRY BEHRENS.”……

A Rutthead Nation welcome to ROSS CLOPTON, staffer at Amarillo’s National Public Radio affiliate and an always proud graduate of the University of Kansas……Note to LEE BAKER, KVII-TV: Tennessee’s 64-48 win over Stanford in the NCAA Division I women’s championship game Tuesday night did not give the Lady Vols and coach PAT SUMMITT their ninth national championship as you reported. It was their eighth…..RANDY HAMRICK, former Amarillo High and West Texas State baseball player now a faculty member at the University of Texas Medical School in Dallas: “The athlete in history I would most want to be holding the bat with a baseball game on the line would be BABE RUTH. He would either produce a colossal game-wining home run or an equally dramatic strikeout.”……

DAVID THOMAS of the Ft. Worth Star-Telegram, commenting on concession prices at Texas Motor Speedway: “You can even buy a NASCAR tire for $20. As a courtesy to the person sitting next to you during the race, however, I suggest you purchase it on the way out of the track.”…..PETE McENTEGART of Sports Illustrated following the endorsement of BARACK OBAMA by Chicago Bears head coach LOVIE SMITH: “The HILLARY CLINTON campaign immediately pointed out that Smith also endorsed REX GROSSMAN.”…..

A blogger on the Calgary Sun website after hockey legend GORDIE HOWE turned 80 years old last week: “Due to his age, it took him longer than usual to elbow out his candles.”….Overheard: “Stupid kills, but not really enough to do any good.”—MIKE HIGGINS

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Bumper sticker: “I am only ignoring you until it is time to blame you.”…..University of Kentucky forward PERRY STEVENSON on the high expectations of Wildcats basketball fans: “Seven championships in six years.”……A recent study says the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year. DAN DALY of the Washington Times comments: “If he hits the ball the way I used to, he walks 225 miles to the north, 225 miles to the east, 225 miles to the south and 225 miles to the west.”…..

Last week’s passing of BEN MOORE was sad to learn. The former North Texas State football player served Amarillo High School well as its principal from 1971 through 1987 including the critical transition period of the famed school and its gloried traditions from its downtown location to the current location in Puckett Place in 1973…..Newest members of the Short Rutts “Name Hall of Fame” courtesy of the NCAA Division I men’s basketball tournament are TWEETY CARTER of Baylor, COMELIO GUIBUNDA of American University, GYNO POMARE of San Diego, YEMI OGUNOYE of Oral Roberts and E’TWAUN MOORE of Purdue…..

Comedian ALEX KANSEBERG, theorizing on possible trash talk during last week’s Stanford-Cornell matchup in the first round of The Big Dance: “Your matriarch is so unintelligent she can only abbreviate Pi to the fifth number.”…..DAVID THOMAS of the Ft. Worth Star-Telegram: “As an alum of the University of Texas-Arlington, let me say I didn’t have a problem with the Mavericks drawing Memphis in the first round of the tournament. I just wished it had been the Memphis Grizzlies of the NBA rather than the University of Memphis.”……

TED GIDDENS, Panhandle Sports Radio Network: “My first sports heroes were MICKEY MANTLE, JIM BROWN and JACK NICKLAUS.”……A photographic negative made in 1963 of a nude WILLIE MAYS popped up on ebay last week with an asking price of $24,999. CAM HUTCHINSON of the Saskatoon StarPhoenix says, “I can’t exactly recall that flapping in the spokes of my bike.”…..CHARLES BARKLEY, expressing confusion on his choice of who would be the center on his all time Los Angeles Lakers team: “I couldn’t quite decide, so I had to go with WILT ABDUL-O’NEAL.”….

After the Atlanta Falcons cut quarterback JOEY HARRINGTON and resigned him a week later, JERRY GREENE of the Orlando Sentinel asked, “What happened? Did he get better?–MIKE HIGGINS

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DAVID WHITLEY of the Orlando Sentinel on the possibility of the New York Mets signing BARRY BONDS: “At this point the Mets are more likely to sign ELIOT SPITZER to play left field than any others under federal investigation. If nothing else, he would generate interest and sell a few tickets. But then again, so would signing THE BEARDED LADY or LOBSTER BOY, and neither one of them have perjury and obstruction of justice charges hanging over their heads.”…..

North Carolina head basketball coach ROY WILLIAMS, describing the style of play of star center TYLER HANSBROUGH: “He finishes with a soft touch, but he can do that after being beaten to death by three people in a matter of two seconds. It’s like sumo wrestling followed by a GEORGE GERVIN finger roll.”……Question: “Who holds the all-time record for highest score at the two-lane bowling alley located in the basement of The White House?” Answer: RICHARD NIXON….

College athletics lost a great man and friend with the passing this past weekend of former Southwest Conference and Lone Star Conference commissioner FRED JACOBY…..West Texas A&M radio voice PHIL WOODALL had current LSC commissioner SKIP WAGNON as his halftime guest during the Buffaloes NCAA men’s tournament game against Southwest Baptist Saturday night at Stephenville with the pair taking all their time to pay tribute to Jacoby. Woodall explains, “Sometimes the older generation doesn’t get the credit they deserve for their experience and expertise over the years.”…..

Professional wrestling’s VINCE McMAHON was given a star last week in the Hollywood Walk of Fame. DWIGHT PERRY of the Seattle Times comments, “In keeping with the theme, workers put it in with a piledriver.”…..Attention is abound toward the 25th anniversary of North Carolina State’s unlikely run in the 1983 NCAA men’s basketball tournament that climaxed with coach JIM VALVANO’s Wolfpack upseting the “Phi Slamma Jamma” bunch of GUY LEWIS and his Houston Cougars at The Pit in Albuquerque. Recalling the desperation shot by NC State’s DERECK WHITTENBURG at the buzzer that fell far short of the basket but was snatched out of the air and dunked in by LORENZO CHARLES, sportswriter BRAD ROCK of the Salt Lake Deseret News says of Whittenburg’s air ball: “CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS came closer when he was aiming for India.”….

Comedian GEORGE LOPEZ has expressed a desire to spend a day playing for his beloved Chicago White Sox following last week’s appearance with the New York Yankees by BILLY CRYSTAL. Lopez: “I can’t hit or throw, but White Sox manager OZZIE GUILLEN and I would be a perfect fit because I know all the bad words in Spanish.”……Overheard: “Please pretend I am not here. That is what I am doing.”—MIKE HIGGINS

Unknown: “If you have always done things the same way, the way they are being done is probably wrong.”…..BRETT FAVRE says he was so addicted to painkillers in the early 1990s he once had to take 13 Vicodim tablets to get through an appearance on the ESPY Awards. MARK KRIEGEL of FoxSports.com comments, “Big deal. I had to take that many just to watch them on television.”…..

Former Texas Tech head football coach SPIKE DYKES is among the newest electees to the Texas Sports Hall of Fame. Also honored are MICHAEL IRVIN of the Dallas Cowboys, Baylor football star JIM RAY SMITH, North Texas and American Football League great ABNER HAYNES and Texas A&M football standout RAY CHILDRESS….Among those on this year’s ballot for enshrinement into the College Football Hall of Fame are former Texas Tech stars DAVE PARKS and GABE RIVERA….

Question: “How many schools in this year’s NCAA men’s basketball tournament have lost to West Texas State in the past on the hardwood?” Answer: Seven. They are Southern California, Louisville, Drake, Arizona, Texas-Arlington, Pittsburgh and Oral Roberts….The Austin Peay-Texas matchup in the first round of the tournament on Friday at Little Rock brings to mind a story of Governors’ hoops and New York City streetball legend JAMES “FLY” WILLIAMS departing his hometown for the first time and mistakingly jetting to Austin, Texas instead of the actual location of “The Peay” in Clarksville, Tennessee…..

Our city lost a true original last week as former two-time mayoral candidate AUDY “MATT” THOMAS lost his life from injuries sustained in December when he was hit by a car while walking in North Amarillo. I’m guessing the 1974 graduate of Amarillo High School is the only person to run for mayor in city history that was a proud, card-carrying member of “The National Association of Odd Fellows”…..MILES BLANKENSHIP: “My favorite team nickname in sports belongs to the ‘Appleknockers’ of Cobden (Ill.) High School.”……

EDDIE SUTTON picked up his 800th career win in his short stint as head coach at the University of San Francisco this season but went only 8-13 at the helm of the Dons. SCOTT OSTLER of the San Francisco Chronicle says, “I hear he will be going for 1,000 wins by coaching the Harlem Globetrotters for a month.”…..Overheard: “We cannot hold a torch to another’s path without brightening our own.”—-MIKE HIGGINS

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A disgruntled supporter of the West Texas A&M basketball programs : “The players I would not want holding the ball with a game on the line are MEGHAN BRUE of the Northwest Missouri women’s team and NICK KOVAEVICH, S’ANTE HARRIS and JIM GRABOWSKI of the Southwest Baptist men’s team.”……Tennis legend MARTINA NAVRATILOVA, asked to comment on the loud grunt MARIA SHARAPOVA puts out during her serves: “They aren’t lifting 300 pounds. They are hitting a tennis ball.”…..

Note to LANCE LAHNERT: You reported in the Saturday morning edition of an Amarillo newspaper that no basketball player from the public school districts at Amarillo and Canyon have played in the National Basketball Association in the ‘modern era’. While the meaning of ‘modern’ might be open for personal interpretation — especially for those over 50 years of age — the fact remains that our area has only produced one NBA player in its history, that being GENE WILEY. The product of Amarillo’s Carver High School played for the Los Angeles Lakers from 1962-66…..

CHRIS McKEOWN, head coach of the Amarillo Dusters: “The most famous persons I have ever shaken hands with are TONY DUNGY, CHAD JOHNSON, DENNIS RODMAN, MARVIN LEWIS, KATRINA WITT and PAPPIE BOYINGTON, the ace pilot from the famed ‘Black Sheep Squadron’ that shot down 94 Japanese planes in World War II between August of 1943 and January of 1944.”…..

This week in Panhandle sports history: In 1969, coach DENNIS WALLING and his West Texas State basketball team lost a heartbreaking 82-80 game to Ohio University in the National Invitational Tournament at Madison Square Garden in New York…..BARRY ROZNER of the Chicago Daily Herald on last week’s defections of several Cuban soccer players in Florida: “Once they get a couple of days of the Democrats fighting in the Florida primary, they will swim home.”…..

Chicago White Sox pitcher SCOTT LINEBRINK went to team manager OZZIE GUILLEN last week and said he was unable to pitch a spring training game due to a headache. Guillen commented, “I believe him because he is a real religious guy. If someone else tells me they have a migraine, I know they have a hangover.”……With the looming possibility of the Chicago Cubs’ new owners selling out naming rights to Wrigley Field, GREG WOJCIECHOWSKI of ESPN.com observes, “Renaming Wrigley would be like the Vatican signing off on the Tostitos Sistine Chapel.”…..Overheard: “It doesn’t matter if you win or lose, it only matters if I win.”—-MIKE HIGGINS

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ELLEN PARR: “The cure for boredom is curiosity and there is no cure for lack of curiosity.”…..DAVID THOMAS of the Ft. Worth Star-Telegram, analyzing the signing by the Seattle Seahawks of free-agent running backs JULIUS JONES and T.J. DUCKETT to compete with team veterans SHAUN ALEXANDER and MAURICE MORRIS: “What is coach MIKE HOLMGREN planning to do next season, install the wishbone?”….BRAD FRALICK, KAMR-TV sports director: “My first sports hero was CAL RIPKEN, JR. I wore his uniform number of ‘8′ and played his position of shortstop from the time I was in high school until I was a sophomore in college and switched to being a relief pitcher. He was the first power-hitting shortstop and that is what I wanted to be.”…..

Sentimentalists for Amarillo’s storied baseball past need mark July 12 on their calandars as the Dillas host the Alexandria Aces at The Ballpark South of the Railroad Tracks. General manager MARK LEE, a relief pitcher on the 1977 Gold Sox on his way to major league time with the San Diego Padres and Pittsburgh Pirates, will have his team outfitted in vintage Gold Sox jerseys that will be auctioned off following the game–among other events that will appreciated by the time-warped…..

JOE YANKOVICH, longtime assistant football coach at Tascosa High School and a former football standout at Clovis High School and West Texas State: “My biggest sports thrills as a player were defeating Abilene Christian and Texas A&I when I was at WT as we won the Lone Star Conference championship in 1986. My biggest disappointment as a player was when the NCAA did not select us to be in the playoffs that season. I think we could have beaten anyone. My biggest thrills as a coach have been when Tascosa defeated El Paso Coronado at the Sun Bowl in El Paso in 2006 for the school’s first playoff win 37 years and every win we have had over the Amarillo High Sandies. My biggest disappointments as a coach are anytime I see one of our former players being in trouble with the law plus any loss to the Amarillo High Sandies.”…..

NFL draft prospect and former Delaware quarterback JOE FLACCO was asked by NFL.com who he wants to play himself in a movie about his life. He answered, “Who cares? The important part is who plays my love interest.”….Comedian ARGUS HAMILTON: “The finishing times in this year’s Los Angeles Marathon were slower than in the past as half the runners had to stop and pick up their kids and their dry cleaning just to save money on gas.”…..Overheard: “If matter consists mostly of empty space, what explains heavy things?”—MIKE HIGGINS

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Anonymous: “MONICA LEWINSKY’s ex-boyfriend’s wife for President”…..Chicago Cubs outfielder FELIX PIE recently missed some spring training time with a twisted testicle. ELLIOTT HARRIS of the Chicago Sun-Times says, “This has to make you wonder why this was never a problem for CHUBBY CHECKER.”…..Former NBA guard KEVIN JOHNSON is remembered as one of the more popular personalities and charitable players in the history of the game. He’s running for mayor of Sacramento, California….Amarillo Dillas general manager MARK LEE reports that broadcasts of the team’s games in 2008 will be available free and only though their website…..

GREG COTE of the Miami Herald, commenting on the possibility of the Tampa Bay Rays signing BARRY BONDS: “Evidently, finishing in last place every year just isn’t embarrsing enough.”…..Are there bigger Green Bay Packers fans around than DAVID and EMILY KINSAUL of Palatka, Florida? They named their twins sons born in February BRETT KINSAUL and FAVRE KINSAUL…..

Bumper sticker: “Vote Irish. O’Bama for President”…..Irving native MIKE PHILLIPS, a former Amarillo Giants and major league infielder, has been promoted to vice-presidency status as he oversees the marketing department of the Kansas City Royals….Seattle businessman and developer MATT GRIFFIN is making an eleventh-hour (and hopefully futile) effort to keep the SuperSonics from moving to Oklahoma City with a hefty financial offer to renovate Key Arena. Meanwhile, NBA commissioner DAVID STERN and the league’s relocation commitee will visit Oklahoma City on March 25 to take a look at plans to upgrade the Ford Center and provide the team with a new practice facility following Tuesday’s approval by OKC voters to finance the projects…..

Overheard: “Some people are like slinkies in that they have no real purpose, but they also put a smile on your face when you push them down the stairs.”—-MIKE HIGGINS

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BILL SIMMONS of ESPN.com, analyzing the season of the 24-38 Chicago Bulls: “The JOHN PAXSON era is starting to resemble the BRITNEY SPEARS era: Tons of promise, tons of hype, a startling turn, and now he is a bad move away from chain-smoking in a hospital gown while speaking with a British accent.”…..To whom it may concern: Saturday is National Skydiving Safety Day…..

I’m confident newly-elected Potter County Commissioner SGT. H.R. KELLY will be as outstanding a commissioner as he was in his longtime position as Commander of Chaos and Commotion Control for the Sonics, Giants and Gold Sox at The Ballpark East of Marrs during our city’s Texas League days…..The latest Short Rutts “Endurance For Enternity Award” goes to sprint runner PHILLIP RABINOWITZ, who recently set a world record in the 100-meter dash with a time of 30.86 seconds. His effort might seem somewhat slow until you consider the South African is 104 years old and set the world mark for centenarians…..

The Amarillo Dusters have announced their 2008 games will be broadcast on three stations, those being KPUR-FM in Amarillo, KWTS-FM in Canyon and KGYN in Guymon, Oklahoma with popular play-by-play voice NATE HALL back at the mike. …..Longtime Rutthead FRANK WYSOCKI of Appleton, Wisconsin writes: “BRETT FAVRE has become a big part of Wisconsin and leaves all of his loyal fans saddened by his retirement. I truly hope he realizes the impact he has had on the lives of those that have followed his career and his life in general. He truly made us feel as if we were every bit a part of the games as he was.”……

Sports satire website Sportspickle.com: “With Favre out of the picture in Green Bay, 2005 first round draft pick AARON ROGERS says he is ready to take over for the future Hall of Famer and with that, will begin to contemplate retirement immediately.”…..JON MARK BEILUE, general interest columnist for an Amarillo newspaper: “Whether you agree or disagree with BARACK OBAMA, whether you cast a vote for him, or cast one against HILLARY CLINTON, or did neither, Obama is good for the political process in this country. He is reminiscent of BOBBY KENNEDY and his lightning-in-a-bottle campaign 40 years ago. He has engaged those who feel disenfranchised, provided an option to those who sensed they had none, and helped diversify the usual candidate profile. Refreshingly, he gives options to Americans who have grown weary of political dynasties and monarchies that could see a presidency encompass only two familes for 28 years.”……

JACK TURNER, assistant principal at Bushland High School and a former quarterback at Palo Duro and Eastern New Mexico: “My first sports heroes were ROGER STAUBACH, KEN STABLER, LEW ALCINDOR/KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR and EVEL KNIEVEL.”…..Outfielder ALFONSO SORIANO of the Chicago Cubs broke his middle finger during spring training workouts last week. REGGIE HAYES of the Fort Wayne (Ind.) News-Sentinel says, “Not to worry. If he strikes out too many times this season, Cubs fans will more than willing to give him theirs.”…..Overheard: “My online profile contains 15% fewer lies than the average.”—MIKE HIGGINS

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